Nailed It!
by SageK
Summary: The Nailed It! AU no one asked for. Liam is a contestant, Theo is a guest judge….


"Welcome to Nailed It! The baking show based on the internet phenomenon where ordinary people try to recreate masterpieces...but don't always get there. I'm Nicole Byer, along with chocolate boss Jacques Torres and today's special guest, scrumptious treat Theo Raeken. Today three home bakers will recreate epic, magical desserts over two rounds of competition. One of them will walk away with $10,000! Let's meet our bakers!" Nicole announced, standing in the Nailed It kitchen with Jacques and Theo.

The scene shifted to show a young man running across a lacrosse field before transitioning to him in a kitchen. "Hi, I'm Liam," he introduces himself as a title card identifies him as Liam Dunbar - Student/Lacrosse player at UC Berkeley. There are various hots of him baking (with varying degrees of success) and being teased by his friends about it. "I started baking with my mom when I was in high school cuz it helps me relax...plus, there's food at the end and I'll eat anything, so...win win no matter what! I wanna prove to my friends Mason and Corey that my cakes are edible...no one's broken a tooth in years!"

A beautiful redhead appears on screen next. "Baking is simply science," she notes as the scroll names her Lydia Martin- Noted Theoretical Physicist. "Sometimes, after a long day of unlocking unknown secrets of the universe, it's nice to come home and unwind in the kitchen." There's a brief montage that shows he baking several nice looking cakes.

The final contestant stares at the camera with dark eyes and an annoyed expression. "Derek," he grumbles, unaware that the screen identifies him as Derek Hale - Grumpy Cat Doppelgänger?. There are a bunch of shots of him glaring at half cooked or charred cookies. "I lost a bet."

The door at the far end of the studio kitchen slides open, admitting the three bakers. "Hey guys!" Nicole greeted them enthusiastically. "Welcome to Season 2 of Nailed It! You guys ready to bake?"

The three contestants nodded with varying levels of enthusiasm.

"Today we're celebrating all things sexy. With me, as always, our head judge, as hot as chili pepper chocolate, Jacques Torres."

The man in chefs whites smiled. "Nicole, I love you, I'm so glad to be back. Hello, Bakers, bonjour."

"Today's guest judge might have abs that say he's never eaten a cake, but rumor has it he's got a sweet tooth. You might know him from billboards, runway shows and television...Theo Raeken," Nicole continued, indicating the handsome young man on her other side. "Wow...I just want to stare at you for a bit."

A bright smile crossed Theo's face and he wrapped his arms around Nicole in a warm hug as he smiled at the bakers. "Hey guys. Can't wait to taste what you come up with!"

Playfully fanning herself after the hug, Nicole faced the bakers. "There's a special prize for the winner of this round: Baker's Choice! Behind door number 1, there are 3 sexy ass treats. You get to choose which one you want to nail. If you're trying to impress someone on a first date or even get a little action, nothing gets the party started like these...Erotic baked goods!" The doors opened to reveal three small cakes. "Three perfectly formed, nearly anatomically correct cakes are yours for the taking. Each of you must choose one to recreate. First we have a Bootiful Bottom...next Bountiful Bosoms...and finally a rather impressive example of baked manhood. Grab your favorite!"

* * *

Of course he'd wind up with the dick, Liam thought with a sigh. Lydia had darted in, surprisingly fast on her high heels, and grabbed the ass cake, leaving him and Derek to choose between the Boobs and dick. Longer arms had won out and Derek retreated to his kitchen with the boobs. Not that he had an issue with the cake, he just thought the other two looked like they'd be an easier bake.

He consulted the iPad mounted in his kitchen, reading the recipe and nodding. It seemed like a fairly standard cake recipe, the shape of it coming from carving out the cake, so he'd have to make sure his bake was on point. He could hear Lydia clicking around her kitchen, then the whir of a mixer from Derek's and scrambled into action.

* * *

"Have you ever made erotic baked goods, Jacques?

The chef laughed. "This is a first for me, Nicole! It's not often I get to say that after so many years in this business."

She turned to Theo and teased, "Is there any tasty treat you're especially eager to try."

Theo's eyes twinkled and he gave a nod toward Liam's kitchen. "I have to say, I'm kinda interested to get my mouth on Liam's cock...cake."

* * *

It totally wasn't Liam's fault when he dropped a pan. Thank god it was empty, but how could they expect him to focus when Theo Raeken was saying things like that? Okay, so there was no way the show could know Theo had been Liam's first celebrity crush that made him realize he wasn't 100% straight, but still!

The man was clearly a menace!

Cakes safe in the oven, Liam went to make his buttercream, trying to ignore the sexy distraction at the judges table.

* * *

"Uh oh...Derek's putting his butter in the microwave."

"That's a mistake. The consistency will be too loose. Oily."

"I think Lydia's skipping the buttercream all together in favor of a ganache."

"I'm not a fan of ganache. If I'm eating a cake, I want frosting."

* * *

Crap. The cake was a little under done, Liam was pretty sure of that, but he had to get it frosted. Not focusing on shape yet, he made a rough attempt at the shape of the cake before jamming it in the blast chiller.

The only reason he wasn't panicking was that the others seemed to be at a similar stage.

Ripping it out of the chiller, Liam hurried back to his counter and began carving the shape of the cake.

* * *

"This is a tight race. Everyone's on the decorating stage with 5 minutes left."

"I've seen some good skills and a few questionable choices."

"Everyone seems to have some impressive skills...certainly better in the kitchen than me. I especially appreciate Liam's handling of his cake. Impressive."

* * *

When the first round came to a close, Liam found himself standing by Lydia and Derek, each of them covering their cakes before the reveal.

Nicole looked to Derek first. "Okay, Derek, you were trying to nail a tremendous ta ta cake! Let's take a final look at the example." Everyone looked at the impressive cake before turning back to Derek.

With a sigh, he lifted the lid off of his cake. There was a beat of silence before he grumped, "Nailed it."

The cake kinda looked like boobs. Sure, they were a little misshapen and different sizes, the fondant not really smooth but it was the nipples that were really odd. Liam felt a small stab of hope that maybe his cake wouldn't be the worst.

"Okay," Nicole said, tilting her head to the side. "Okay, they kinda look like boobs. I can see it."

Jacques nodded. "If your buttercream had set right, it would have provided a smoother base for the fondant. Next time, no microwave!"

"I mean, I'd eat it, but it looks like you airbrushed off the nipples and just left the areolas," Theo said as they approached and sampled the cake.

They seemed to like the taste of the cake though and then moved on to Lydia.

Her cake actually looked like the example, not perfect, but really close. Everyone was impressed and the only complaint anyone had was that it was slightly dry.

When Liam pulled the cover off his cake, he blurted, "Nailed it!"

Because why not?

The judges were quiet for a moment and then Nicole said, "It kinda looks like the example, cake, so, props for that."

"Yes, your carving was quite well done," Jacques added. "Have you ever worked with fondant before?"

"No," Liam admitted, eyes darting over to Theo who was approaching.

"The fondant's cracked right at the tip and the buttercream is leaking out," the man said with a smile, swiping a finger through the escaping frosting and then sucking it clean. "Mmm, your cream is tasty."

"This isn't that kind of show, boys!" Nicole said and Liam barely heard their praise of the cake's flavor. He did have to admit that bits were undercooked.

Lydia won the Golden baking hat and Liam wasn't entirely surprised to discover he was at the bottom of the pile. He resolved himself to at least beat Derek in round 2.

TBC...


End file.
